Landon Inadvertently Slights His Friend the McRib, and Brings an End to an Epic Fall Love Affair: A Voicemail Chronicle

McRib, Thursday, 12:43pm: “Hey, Landon. I know you left here for a meeting, but I just wanted to let you know what a great time I had over lunch. I can’t believe you’ve visited so many times! Listen, I’m about to leave in a few days. I know, I know, this was a short trip. But that’s the way it is every year. I hope I get to see you again before I go. K, dude – bye.”

Landon, Thursday, 3:14PM: “Mickey! Buddy! Tag – Your’e it! I guess now it’s you that’s in a meeting. Oh, well. Yeah, that was a great lunch. You were sassy as always, and I’m really glad you brought your french friend along. LOVED getting to know him. Yeah, make sure you let me know when you’re leaving. I’d love to see you again before that. Peace.”

McRib, Friday, 10:30am: “Dude. Ronald says it’s lunch time. You know you want to! [laughs]”

McRib, Friday, 11:27pm: “Bro, Why didn’t you come by? Listen, I’m about to leave here in a bit. I’d love to see you.”

McRib, Saturday, 12:36am: “Laaaaandooooon. It’s Sweet Tangy Time!”

McRib, Sunday, 11:08am: “Listen, I don’t want to be needy or anything, but I waited for you all day yesterday and the day before. I really thought you wanted to get together again. After all those selfies we took together, and you were like ‘Me and McRib. #11andcounting.’ What gives? I’m starting to think that you were just using me for a publicity stunt or something, like you didn’t even really like me but were telling all your real friends that you did because you thought it would be funny. Well, let me tell you: I feel like a pig’s ass right now. If that’s the way you treat your ‘real’ friends then I bet you don’t have any. You know what? don’t bother calling back. I’m done, and I may never come to Kansas City again after the way you’ve treated me. Just go and hang with Jimmy and John.”

Landon, Monday, 10:21am: “Micky, I am so sorry. I was out of town with family all weekend with no cell service. Obviously, there was no way I could make it, but I’m home now! If you haven’t left yet, why don’t we meet this morning? Lunch starts in…9 minutes. What do you say?”

Note: McRib has not yet returned Landon’s call.

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